3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
