no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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