I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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