WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize