He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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