Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
