So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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