I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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