you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize