Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
