well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
