marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
