Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
