I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
