the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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