when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
