i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
