My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
