Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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