we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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