so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
