She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
