when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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