Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently you make a good broom.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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