my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
