she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
