I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
