dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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