Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
