My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
