Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
