I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
