its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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