I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
