His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
