She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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