so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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