I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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