Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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