I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
