remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So much Jack, so little girl.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
