Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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