OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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