Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
