Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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