dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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