When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
