just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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