I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you didnt know i had herpes?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize