dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
