Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You need a sexual gate keeper
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
