bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
