i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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