just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
