if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
