You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
