I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize