she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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