Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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