when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
