really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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