White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
