what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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