VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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