she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
