I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had to cum in my sink.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
