Your tits are I can't wait for
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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