Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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