So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
